Forgive me, for I have not volunteered
Volunteer Spot is all about, well, volunteering. When Carissa asked me to post, I laughed, because I’m the least qualified mom on the planet to talk to you about how to be a great school volunteer. I spent my career as a preschool mom actively avoiding all calls to action, making one batch of homemade play-dough per year and bitching mightily about the need to do so when you can buy perfectly good Play-Doh at Target. If money was due for anything, I was that mom running up to the room mom’s SUV at carpool line trying to wave her down before she drove off so I could pass her a $20.
But this year my kids are in kindergarten, and I’ve signed up to be a room mom and a library volunteer, and it’s largely because I’ve spent the past three years not volunteering.
So let me tell you about not volunteering. This side of the story is important, and it’s not something you hear a lot.
Listen closely if you’re a room mom, desperate to fill your sign-up sheets with bright-eyed parents. When you see that same mother screeching to the curb minutes before the bell sounds every morning, sporting the same yoga pants, dirty hair, and streaked mascara she’s had on every other time you’ve seen her, remember this story. The class Halloween party may be the least important thing in her life right now; she may be hanging on by a thread.
This is why
Our twins started preschool when they were two years old. They went three mornings a week, and there were requests for room moms, for volunteers for the parent council, for parents to make play-dough, for parents to bring party supplies and food for various holidays.
My father was dying, nearing the end of a 12 year battle with cancer, and I looked at those sign-up sheets and made a conscious choice not to put my name on any of them. I was exhausted, having spent the summer going to my parents’ house almost every weekend to spend time with my father, watching as he deteriorated before our eyes. I was still reeling from postpartum depression when his health really started to spiral, and in those days I never went anywhere without Xanax. When the phone rang late at night, anxiety forced bile into my mouth. Had he died?
So those sign-ups, in the face of my father, growing ever thinner, juggling a basket of medications, not to mention my mother, sick with worry … in the face of my family crisis, the very idea of volunteering was ridiculous. Preschool was a place to drop my kids off so I could rest for a few hours.
And you know what? That’s ok.
My father collapsed only a few weeks into the school year, on Labor Day, and died two weeks later. My mind was where it should have been–fully present with my family, not freaked out about who would organize all the things I’d signed up to do at school and now couldn’t.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel guilt. I’m hard-wired for guilt. But I also recognized that it was all I could do to tread water as a parent that year. How do you explain grief to a pair of chubby-cheeked two year olds who see a lack of chocolate pudding as catastrophic? How do you tell them your tears are ok, not to be scared, that Mommy’s just sad and misses her daddy? Explaining my grief to my children was (and still is) like a hot poker to the stomach. The effort knocked the breath out of me. There was no guidebook for it, no “What to expect when you have to explain death to your toddlers.”
It scared them to have Mommy burst into tears without warning in the middle of their bath, or in the middle of Target. They struggled to comprehend the idea of heaven, and where exactly Grandaddy Tom had gone. Even with loving parents trying to explain it, that’s a heavy load for a couple of two year olds.
And this is why, again
So the next year, when they were three, I reached for those sign-up sheets, right?
No.
I still didn’t feel ready. Helping my mother with the practicalities of the estate after my father’s death was just as draining, in a different way, than sitting in his hospital room.
And then, in late October, my husband started having horrible pain. Initially his doctors thought he had a kidney stone, and gave him narcotics and told him to wait it out. He wore jeans and a t-shirt for the Halloween party we hosted. We joked that his costume was Robert Downey, Jr., because he was high on pills and would periodically pass out.
Then we found out a few days later it wasn’t a kidney stone.
It was testicular cancer.
Again, volunteering was the farthest thing from my mind when the doctors told us they had to operate the very next day, and that no, there was no time for a second opinion. Mark’s parents drove up and took the twins back home with them, and he had his surgery. My mother and I sat in the waiting room, both of us in our own private hell. Only 13 months ago, my father had died, and now my husband was having surgery for cancer.
In the end we were lucky. His cancer was stage one, and the more highly treatable of the two types of testicular cancer. He still had to undergo a six week course of radiation, which started the week before Christmas. My husband began to look like an echo of my father during his radiation: drawn, gray, thinner by the minute. His usual appetite for steak and burgers vanished; he’d manage half a bowl of soup for dinner.
My kids’ preschool teachers that year didn’t see much of me at all, and when they did, I was usually crying. I missed one pickup entirely because I took a nap and slept through my alarm. I was the opposite of a volunteer mom. I was a mom just trying to get through the day and present a happy face for her kids when they got home. Yet we were also trying to be open with the kids about what was happening, in an age-appropriate way.
Again, there’s no, “What to expect when you have to explain your husband’s cancer to your three year olds.” At least, none that I found. We did the best we could to be honest with the kids, and they knew Daddy was sick, but at that age, “sick” meant a cough, a runny nose, a tummy ache.
If you find yourself needing to not volunteer, that’s ok. You don’t have to be supermom. If your life is exploding, take a step back and pick up the pieces. You have to be whole before you can help anyone else. People do understand. Really. Sure, if you’re anything like me, you’ll beat yourself up, but others won’t. If they’re like the dear moms at my preschool, they’ll bring you casseroles.
Finally this year, I’ve signed up. For, um, a lot.
As for my story, this year my twins are five and in kindergarten, and now I’m finally volunteering.
I intended to volunteer for something small. Something really small. And somehow I’ve gone a bit bigger than I intended.
Okay, way bigger than I intended.
For starters, I’m a room mom. (I know, right?) We went to our kindergarten open house and there was space on the sheet and I thought, “Well, I’m never going to know what’s going on around here if I just pull up and drop them off every morning and repeat in the afternoon for pick up. I need to be here.”
And then I saw a sign-up sheet for library volunteers. Libraries? Books? Sign. Me. Up. I spent a lovely hour in the library today helping my twins’ kindergarten class check out books. The kids were beyond excited to have Mommy at school, and I was happy to be able to meet their classmates.
All this means I’ve joined the PTA. And I’ve found that I like knowing what’s going on at school. This particular PTA is incredibly active, and just having been to a few events, I’m starting to know some of these superwomen.
And I am in awe.
I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I occasionally wonder if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I’d intended to use all this free time to write.
But … I’m finding that I like volunteering. Yesterday I spent 2 1/2 hours at the car dealership having my minivan oiled and de-gunked (why yes, that is a technical term), and I used most of the time to input information into the class website I’m building.
I’m happy to be getting to know people–parents, teachers, and administrators. I’m starting to associate faces with names and I’m there often enough to learn things like where the bathrooms are.
How will I feel in a few months? I don’t know yet. But I’ll be sure to let you know.
As for the room mom stuff, we haven’t gotten to the point where we’re asking parents for time commitments or cash or party supplies yet, but when we do, I am making myself a promise that if I don’t hear from a few parents, I will remember myself a few years ago. You never really know what’s going on inside another household, and I hope my own experiences can help me make a year or two easier for any of the parents around me who may need it.
This post was written for Volunteer Spot, an amazing online resource for parent volunteers in schools. Check out their new site for room moms, Room Mom Spot. They’ve also just launched an iPad app, Clipboard by Volunteer Spot, which turns any iPad into a clipboard sign-up sheet.
You can follow Volunteer Spot on Twitter @volunteerspot
On Facebook, find Volunteer Spot at https://www.facebook.com/volunteerspot . Go visit–this is the last week of a sweepstakes to win an iPad for you AND $500 for your school!
Save time {and stress} and get more parents involved
at school with VolunteerSpot.com!
VolunteerSpot’s FREE online signup sheets make it easy to organize parents and signup to help for just about anything: classroom helpers, snack schedules, carnivals, library volunteers, parent-teacher conferences and more…. No more ‘Reply-All’ email chains! Please share with your room mom, teachers and parent leaders…
Plus there’s a huge Sweepstakes on VolunteerSpot’s Facebook page!
Win an iPad for YOU and a $500 for your fave School! Enter here
My brother suggested I would possibly like this web site.
He used to be totally right. This put up actually made my day.
You cann’t consider simply how so much time I had spent
for this info! Thank you!
Great blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What web
host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol
If you desire to increase your knowledge simply keep visiting this web page and be updated with the hottest
information posted here.
Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I
was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form?
I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m
having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!
I am in fact grateful to the owner of this web page who has shared this wonderful paragraph at at
this time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Reston Bankuptcy Lawyer.
Regards
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I
clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all
that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say great
blog!
Never ever heard of a steam shower enclosure until
I discovered this website, so thrilled I did so truly want one now and money letting will likely be purchasing one very soon
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much
more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you
hire out a developer to create your theme? Fantastic work!
Wow, amazing bllog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is fantastic, as well as thee content!
In GTA V, you have eight weapon slots, and you use a weapon wheel to cycle between them.
One code, when entered, makes you completely invincible for
five minutes. On the topic of destruction let’s talk about a very important topic of “Grand Theft Auto”:
death.
WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for wo
It is appropriate time to make a few plans for the long run and it is time to be happy.
I’ve learn this put up and if I may I want
to counsel you some interesting things or suggestions.
Perhaps you can write subsequent articles relating to this article.
I wish to learn even more issues about it!
constantly i used to read smaller content that also clear their
motive, and that is also happening with this post which I am
reading at this time.
Infrared is a new technology employed with night vision goggles.
t be safe and smooth, and you should expect your
Night Vision goggles, etc. It would stand to reason that dog sunglasses have
limited functionality while goggles for dogs (or
Doggles) actually put purpose over form.
Greetings! Very useful advice within this article!
It’s the little changes that will make the biggest changes.
Thanks for sharing!
This is a great tip especially to those new to the
blogosphere. Short but very accurate information… Appreciate your
sharing this one. A must read post!
That’s not a big problem for me because while I liked Max Brooks’ novel a
lot, it left me with a lot of questions. As long as nobody else has
taken Boss Mode, of course. Age is catching up with him and with it an outbreak of senior dementia.
With all the social network sites rising rapidly the
beds base for such games to survive has become stronger and the
range of reaching any billion users has also become a probability.
From games being targeted intended for platforms for
instance Laptops, Gaming systems, and mobile phones today
video games are being formulated exclusively for complexes.
Which communities have millions of people including the Fb in addition to specific
Facebook game builders involved in the procedure of designing
and also developing games based on the limits and boundaries of the system.
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something which I think
I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me.
I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try
to get the hang of it!
Why users still use to read news papers when in this technological world
all is existing on net?
I think the admin of this site is genuinely working hard for his
web page, for the reason that here every data
is quality based information.
Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your
blog and wanted to mention that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your
blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing in your feed and I hope you write once more very soon!
Snow blower Service & Repair Mobile Service Winter Tune Up NOW
When someone writes an piece of writing he/she retains the thought of a user in his/her brain that how a
user can be aware of it. Thus that’s why this post is amazing.
Thanks!
When Betty first filed for divorce, she found out that William
was suffering from a coma in New York. The way your
body posses tells something about you. And we are not talking about typing a Facebook status and chatting
with friends while viewing a Lady Gaga video in Vevo.
Admiring the commitment you put into your website and in depth information you offer.
It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while
that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Excellent read!
I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Your method of describing everything in this piece of writing
is really fastidious, all be able to simply understand it, Thanks
a lot.
I have been browsing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content
as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before.|
I couldn’t resist commenting. Very well written!|
I will right away seize your rss feed as I can not find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter
service. Do you have any? Kindly allow me know so that I could subscribe.
Thanks.|
It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it’s
time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or advice.
Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
I wish to read even more things about it!|
It’s perfect time to make a few plans for the long run and it
is time to be happy. I’ve learn this put up and
if I may just I wish to recommend you some interesting
issues or tips. Maybe you could write subsequent articles
referring to this article. I wish to learn more issues approximately it!|
I have been browsing on-line more than three hours as of late,
but I never discovered any fascinating article like
yours. It’s beautiful price sufficient for me. Personally, if
all web owners and bloggers made excellent content as you probably did, the web can be much more helpful than ever
before.|
Ahaa, its good conversation regarding this article here at this web site,
I have read all that, so now me also commenting here.|
I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet visitors, its really really fastidious piece of writing on building up new website.|
Wow, this post is pleasant, my sister is analyzing these kinds of things, so I am
going to inform her.|
bookmarked!!, I really like your site!|
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this
article and the rest of the site is also very good.|
Hi, I do think this is a great site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going to
return yet again since i have book-marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help
others.|
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this blog. It’s simple,
yet effective. A lot of times it’s very difficult to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and appearance.
I must say you’ve done a excellent job with this.
Additionally, the blog loads extremely fast for me on Firefox.
Excellent Blog!|
These are in fact enormous ideas in about blogging. You have touched some
nice points here. Any way keep up wrinting.|
I like what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and coverage!
Keep up the fantastic works guys I’ve added you guys to my blogroll.|
Hey there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site
with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m
book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Wonderful blog and brilliant design.|
I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and exposure!
Keep up the superb works guys I’ve included you guys
to my blogroll.|
Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?
I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!|
Hey there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with?
I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different internet browsers and I must say this
blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you recommend a good web hosting provider
at a honest price? Thanks, I appreciate it!|
Everyone loves it when individuals get together and share
views. Great website, keep it up!|
Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! However, how could
we communicate?|
Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with
web browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
The design and style look great though! Hope you get the problem fixed soon. Many thanks|
This is a topic which is near to my heart… Thank you!
Where are your contact details though?|
It’s very effortless to find out any topic on net as compared to books,
as I found this paragraph at this site.|
Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but,
I’d like to send you an e-mail. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you
might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and
I look forward to seeing it improve over time.|
Greetings! I’ve been reading your weblog for a long
time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Tx!
Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic work!|
Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored at work so I decided
to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break.
I really like the information you present here and can’t wait to take a
look when I get home. I’m amazed at how quick your
blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just
3G .. Anyhow, amazing site!|
Its such as you learn my mind! You seem to understand so much about this,
such as you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you simply could do with some % to force the
message home a little bit, but other than that,
that is fantastic blog. A great read. I will definitely be back.|
I visited multiple web sites however the audio quality for audio songs present at this site is genuinely
fabulous.|
Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a
similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam
feedback? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any help is very
much appreciated.|
Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article!
It’s the little changes which will make the greatest changes.
Thanks a lot for sharing!|
I truly love your site.. Very nice colors & theme.
Did you build this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m
hoping to create my own blog and would love to know where you got this from or what the theme
is called. Kudos!|
Hello there! This article could not be written any better!
Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
He continually kept talking about this. I’ll forward
this post to him. Fairly certain he’ll have a very good read.
Thank you for sharing!|
Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely different topic
but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Great choice of colors!|
There’s certainly a lot to find out about this issue. I really like all of the points you’ve made.|
You have made some really good points there. I checked on the web for
additional information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.|
What’s up, I check your blog like every week. Your writing style is witty, keep doing what you’re doing!|
I simply could not go away your web site prior to suggesting that
I extremely enjoyed the usual information a person provide in your visitors?
Is going to be again frequently in order to investigate cross-check new posts|
I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it.
I’ve got you bookmarked to look at new things you post…|
Hi, just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed this blog post.
It was funny. Keep on posting!|
Hi there, I enjoy reading all of your article post.
I wanted to write a little comment to support you.|
I constantly spent my half an hour to read this blog’s content everyday along with a cup of coffee.|
I always emailed this weblog post page to all my friends, since if like to read it then my
contacts will too.|
My developer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less.
I’ve been using WordPress on several websites for about a year and am worried about switching to
another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net.
Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!|
Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this web site before but after browsing through a
few of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly happy I found
it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!|
Terrific work! This is the type of info that should be shared around the net.
Disgrace on Google for no longer positioning this submit upper!
Come on over and talk over with my site . Thank you =)|
Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly
useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and
help others like you aided me.|
Howdy, There’s no doubt that your web site could
possibly be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your site in Safari, it looks
fine but when opening in IE, it has some overlapping issues.
I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
Besides that, fantastic blog!|
A person necessarily lend a hand to make seriously articles I would state.
This is the very first time I frequented your website page
and thus far? I amazed with the analysis you made to create this actual submit incredible.
Excellent job!|
Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and
I in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out much. I’m hoping to give
something back and help others like you aided me.|
Good day! I simply wish to give you a big thumbs up for your great information you have got
here on this post. I will be returning to your site
for more soon.|
I every time used to study paragraph in news papers but now as I
am a user of internet so from now I am using net for posts, thanks to web.|
Your means of describing the whole thing in this paragraph is actually good, every one can simply
understand it, Thanks a lot.|
Hi there, I found your site by way of Google even as looking for a similar matter, your website came up, it looks good.
I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hello there, just become alert to your blog through Google, and located that it’s really
informative. I’m gonna be careful for brussels. I will appreciate if you happen to proceed this in future.
Many people will likely be benefited out of your writing.
Cheers!|
I am curious to find out what blog platform you happen to be
working with? I’m having some minor security issues with my latest site and I’d like to find something more risk-free.
Do you have any suggestions?|
I am really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout
on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays.|
I’m extremely inspired with your writing talents and also with the layout on your blog.
Is that this a paid subject or did you customize it your self?
Either way stay up the nice quality writing, it is uncommon to see a great
blog like this one nowadays..|
Hello, Neat post. There is an issue with your web site
in internet explorer, might check this? IE nonetheless is the marketplace
chief and a huge component to folks will omit your fantastic
writing due to this problem.|
I’m not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic.
I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding
more. Thanks for excellent information I was looking for this info for
my mission.|
Hi, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to enhance my web
site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!\
Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be
on the web the easiest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries
that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the
nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a
signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
I know this site presents quality depending content and
additional information, is there any other web site which gives
such things in quality?
Hello there, I think your website could possibly be having internet browser compatibility issues.
Whenever I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however
when opening in I.E., it’s got some overlapping issues.
I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
Other than that, fantastic website!
I visited many blogs however the audio feature for audio songs
current at this web site is really superb.
If you would like to improve your experience only keep visiting this site and be
updated with the hottest information posted here.
3: The role of HCG in a pregnant woman’s body is to make sure the developing baby receives calories and nutrients to survive.
Folks who get these shots primarily undergo from persistent
tiredness syndrome or a deficiency. First, the body needs balanced levels of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats to function properly.
He or she should continue using any medication that have been prescribed by their doctor.
Androgenic effects are related to the changes in primary and secondary sexual characteristics such as enlargement of
tests, change in voice, and growth of body hairs.
I was very happy to discover this web site. I wanted
to thank you for ones time due to this wonderful
read!! I definitely loved every bit of it and i also have you book-marked to
see new things on your site.
I got this website from my ppal who informed mme about this web
site and at the moment this timje I aam visiting this website and reading very informative
articles or reviews at this time.
Very soon this web site will be famous among all blog visitors, due to it’s
nice posts