Angie Kinghorn

Siri (my intelligent ass)

A personal assistant always seemed like a nice thing to have, and Apple has brought one to the masses in the form of Siri, the artificial intelligence built into its new iPhone 4s.
I was thrilled when Mark got me an iPhone for my birthday.  It hadn’t shipped yet, so he printed off the product page and put it in my birthday card.
I should have been apprehensive when I saw this:
Because “intelligent ass” is as good a way as any to describe Siri’s personality.  She’s a cheeky little minx.  Sometimes she works exactly as planned, and at others….well, read on.
This morning I asked, “Siri, what is the meaning of life?”
Response: “To think about things like that.”
Siri and I have only known each other two days, but I think that’s long enough for her to be pronouncing my name correctly.  “Angie” is not that difficult.  But she insists on pronouncing it “Aingie,” which makes me want to throw my phone at oncoming traffic.
This morning I set out on a quest to get Siri to pronounce my name correctly.  Among her many flaws, she suffers from selective idiocy.  Tell her you need a place to hide a body and she’s on it.  She asks if you’d prefer swamps, metal foundries, dumps, mines, or reservoirs, and offers to find one close to your current location.  
But try to get her to say your name correctly and she says, “I don’t understand what you mean by ‘You’re not pronouncing my name correctly.’  Would you like me to perform a web search?”  
“No, I want you to say my name differently.”
“You are Aingie, aren’t you?”  
“Yes, but that’s not how you say it!”  
“Calling (random person), mobile.”
“No!  Cancel!”
I finally swore at her, and she primly responded, “There’s no need for profanity.”
“Fine,” I said, “See how you like it if I start to call you Suri.”
“There is no Yousuri in your contacts.  Who would you like me to call?”
Suddenly I remembered something I’d read about how this artificial intelligence worked.  It learns as it goes.  Was I setting up a bad relationship with my personal assistant?
“Siri, are you mad at me?”
“I cannot answer that.”
“Siri, I love you.”
“Impossible.”
“No, really, Siri, I love you.”
“Maybe not.”
“I love you…”
“I bet you say that to all your Apple devices.”
“I love you…”
“Our love is like two long shadows kissing without hope of reality.”
“Do you like hairy potter?”  (That’s how it came out on the screen– ‘hairy.’)
“I’d rather not say, Angie.”
“Why not?”
“You see things, and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were, and I say, ‘Why not?’”
“You’re very philosophical this morning.”
“I am?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what I figured.”
“Who were you quoting earlier?”
“I’m Siri.  But enough about me… how can I help you?”

Comments

  1. I have yet to have an intelligible conversation with Siri. My kids curse at her and then laugh at her responses. At least someone in our house seems to be enjoying having a personal assistant.

  2. She does reminders nicely. And I'm hoping that the calendar stuff will work well, but I don't have iCloud set up yet to know whether it will or not.

    But yeah, I'm hoping that Siri will come out of beta soon. I get the feeling there's a lot of guys in Cupertino laughing their asses off as they collect her data.

  3. I'm not ready for Siri yet. I just finally got on board for a Roomba and even that intimidates me. I don't let Hubby get her out when I'm not home. If it does my floors that well I'm afraid of what else it can manage.

  6. This is awesome. I want my Garmin GPS to respond to profanity too. Instead, she just patiently says “recalculating” in her Australian accent. Someday, I want to train her to say “If you're not going to follow my instructions, STOP ASKING!”

    This was a fun read; thanks!

  10. That's a more meaningful conversation than I've had with a human this weekend.

    Okay, maybe not, but she would have fit in really well with the crowd at our Christmas party last night.