Angie Kinghorn

In which I take a nap on a bed of nails

So, what have I done this week?  Oh, nothing much out of the ordinary.  
  • Played both paramedic and Dr. Mom to one four year old with two skinned knees and shins.  Band-aids were applied with style and panache, thankyouverymuch.  I do apologize for the screaming.  I’m sure you heard it, no matter where you were.
  • Assured four year old with skinned knees that yes, I know what I’m doing.  After all, I am a Juris Doctor.
  • Accepted worshipful looks from both twins as they struggled to comprehend how a Juris Doctor is like a pediatrician.  (Hint: not at all.)
  • Convinced both children that all mommies are covered in eyeballs.  Not just the backs of our heads, but everywhere.  Further convinced them that the extra eyes are visible only to adults.
  • Corrected each twin’s grammar regarding proper usage of “me” vs. “I” so that both sound far more intelligent than any contestant ever to appear on “The Bachelor.”
  • Negotiated a truce between the leaders of two small (but fierce) terrorist factions.
  • Rescued the dog from a hostage situation involving said terrorist factions.
  • Cleaned up purple paint spilled during an attempt by the female terrorist to deface the base camp of the male terrorist. 
  • Confiscated and disposed of both sides’ remaining paint supplies, forcing them to revert to the more primitive crayon.
  • Instructed two four year olds on the finer points of dancing properly to “Ice, Ice, Baby.”
  • Attempted to explain to one unnamed four year old boy that swinging one’s, um, male parts around while dancing is not appropriate.
  • Assured said four year old boy that swinging said male parts around while dancing is not what the manufacturers of Thomas the Train underwear had in mind when they put a hole in the front of his briefs.
  • Explained the origin of belly buttons to two absolutely astounded pupils, who demanded photographic evidence that their umbilical cords were not a figment of Mommy’s imagination.
  • Took a brief nap on a bed of nails at the local children’s science museum.  I’m serious.   Over 4,000 nails.  Note: do not surrender control button of bed of nails to small terrorists, no matter how cute they may be.
  • Fired an air cannon at my husband and both children.
  • Allowed both my husband and both children to fire an air cannon at me.
  • Found SIX four leaf clovers while walking the dog.
  • Bought a lottery ticket.     

Comments

  1. Love, love, love. What is it with the dance and the hole in the underwear? My 4 yr old boy does the same thing. I can't imagine having two of them and I love your descriptions. :) Wonderful post.

  2. Thanks! I don't know what it is with the hole in the briefs. He only discovered it recently, and I'm afraid I'll need to buy him a trench coat for his new career as a flasher. So proud.

  3. I still haven't convinced my almost 8 yo that swinging his privates around while dancing is inappropriate.

    This means that you are putting your JD to better use than I am putting mine. :)

    so funny!

  4. Tears cascading down my cheeks from laughter. This will be the only laughter I have at work today! Way to go, Angie! Yeah…the swinging the male parts thing…my grandson just turned a year old and has no problem finding the male parts…fortunately he hasn't started swinging them….oh, what laughter awaits me!

  6. Thanks, Pop. I try. Had to stop with the Naughty by Nature stuff because they kept yelling “Hey, Ho!” in the grocery store and I thought we were gonna get punched.