I don’t normally do Friday flip-offs, but this one’s been stewing around in my head since a friend tearfully confessed to me that she felt bad about giving her new baby formula because of Gisele Bundchen’s recent statement that there should be a worldwide law requiring women to breastfeed exclusively for at least six months. And the Nerd Mafia word of the week, fugazi, inspired me to actually put these words down on paper.
So for reference: fugazi, according to the Nerd Mafia dons:
- (slang) artificial, fake, false. Can be used in reference to a thing or to a person. If a person, it is usually used to reference a superficial person.
- (slang) Something that has no substance.
From urbandictionary.com:
- Fake, false, i.e., “That’s a fugazi,” (about a faux diamond, from “Donnie Brasco.”)
- A really bad knockoff, a copy.
- Someone that copies or fronts.
- Vietnam war slang reminiscent of “fubar.”
- Someone or something that you dislike very much.
Now that we’re all clear as to the meaning of fugazi, let’s talk about Gisele. The ultimate mothering fugazi.
There are plenty of reasons your average gal may not be a huge Gisele fan, most of which can be summed up thusly: Gisele was back to modeling swimwear six weeks after giving birth. At which point she, the all-knowing, selfless, dare I say model mother, deigned to come down off her pedestal long enough to suggest that there be a worldwide law requiring us mere mortals to breastfeed exclusively for six months. She scorned formula, asking what kind of mother would give “chemical food” to a child so little.
Let me add that this selfless mother (fugazi!), this woman so committed to her child that she would never dream of giving him “chemical food,” was plenty cavalier about his safety when she decided to have a home birth in her bathtub. This after a report in the medical journal The Lancet last month indicated that home birth can triple the risk of infant death. For further info on the dangers of homebirthing, please visit The Skeptical OB, Dr. Amy Tuteur.
But back to nursing for a moment. I’m calling Gisele out as a total fugazi. If a woman is nursing exclusively, it’s pretty much a full time job, and I have a hard time figuring out how the hell she’d be back in runway shows for Victoria’s Secret six weeks later, and turning up in shows at Fashion Week in NYC just a month or so after that. Maybe she’s toting a Pump In Style backstage, but something tells me she’s not.
My guess is that she does occasionally attach baby to breast, but that a team of nannies do everything else.
Gisele, let me give you an idea of what breastfeeding is like for the rest of us. You know, those of us without live-in-help and millions of dollars. Breastfeeding hurts. Even when done correctly. I sat in a lactation consultant’s office with my son latched perfectly, and every sip he took was agony. And that’s when things were in relatively good shape. A friend of mine ended up with cracked nipples (a relatively common complication) and was pumping blood along with her milk. Yes, I said pumping blood.
I supplemented my twins with formula from the beginning, on doctor’s orders, as they were premature. But I would have done it anyway, since I knew that a particular medical condition would eventually require me to resume taking medicine that would dry up my milk supply.
For four and a half months, I tried to give my babies every drop of milk I could, and it damn near killed me. I wonder to this day how much better my postpartum depression might have been had I just given up nursing and pumping. In the beginning, the babies were so weak that they could nurse for an hour and not empty a breast, so I’d nurse, then pump to empty them completely, then clean the pump, then it was time to start over again. I tried nursing them two at a time, but honestly, any tandem nursing arrangement does not work well unless you happen to have some recessive octopus genes.
So I ended up pumping. Eight times a day, I hooked myself up to a hospital grade breast pump, and it literally felt like it was sucking the life out of me. I pumped in the middle of the night, using a hands-free pump bra while I bottle fed a baby. Pumping 20 minutes at a time, eight times a day is a LOT of time.
All this, and for what? My babies had horrible reflux, and they actually did a hell of a lot better on formula than they did on breastmilk. They certainly slept longer. So, at four and a half months, we called it a day and went to formula exclusively.
And I felt residual guilt, until I came across this fabulous article in The Atlantic Monthly, and this editorial in The New York Times. They have the audacity to suggest that breastfeeding and breastmilk may not be as superior as society currently claims. Both are well worth your time to read, and, dear readers, I sincerely hope you will, as they contain far too many brilliant observations to be summarized here.
So Gisele, Mrs. Fancy Pants Supermodel, I’m sure you think I’m a horrible mother for giving my babies “chemical food.” But here’s the thing: I’m not. I’m actually quite good at what I do. I love my children more than I could ever imagine, and would never do anything to harm them.
There’s something else you need to understand, and that’s postpartum depression. Simply put, it’s hell on earth, and nursing or pumping makes it a lot worse. Partly because of the sleep deprivation, partly because of the isolation that nursing and pumping tends to impose, and partly because you’re prohibited from taking a lot of the medications that would normally be used to treat the condition. I’d rather see the babies of the world on “chemical food” and with healthy mothers than breastfed and the victims of infanticide because their mother’s depression turned to postpartum psychosis.
Finally, who the hell are you to be giving the rest of us parenting advice? You are the epitome of a fugazi parenting expert. You’ve not even had six months of experience, and you have resources at your disposal that most of us will never be able to access. And what do you do with that? You use the first opportunity that comes along to make yourself look like a martyr and other mothers look like irresponsible parents.
Shame on you.
And flip off.
Einstein she's not.
this is awesome. and i'm breaking my #BlogboycottDay rules by commenting, but i'm a mom who pumped/tried to breatfeed/went through PPD, and ended up using formula PROUDLY. i'm going to read those articles.
@Mel, no kidding. Wonder if she even finished high school? And here we are, taking not only fashion advice from this moron, but advice on parenting. NOT GOOD.
@Liz, you do realize you just used a hashtag in a comment, right? I'm hereby diagnosing you as a twitterholic. #butsoami. Please read those articles; I think you'll find them fascinating.
I love your response to Liz! #thatsawesome #imatwitterholictoo
As for the rest of it, well said! I tried to breastfeed the twins, and in the hospital they MADE me supplement w/ formula because I just wasn't making enough. I'm not less of a mom for doing what I needed to do to feed my babies. I tried to breastfeed, but after 6 weeks the milk was completely dried up. I pumped, I allowed the girls to try to breastfeed, took supplements…everything I could do, and it just didn't work. People, especially celebrities, should keep their uneducated opinions to themselves.
Friday Flip-Off. I like it
I hear where you are coming from, I do. With my first daughter it was a nightmare. I made myself crazy – I never once felt comfortable, capable or confident when it came to breastfeeding. With my second daughter, 7 years later, it was difficult initially, but did improve and we made it about 6 months. I actually enjoyed that experience very much.
All this is to say, it would be great if people would stop “shoulding” all over one another. I had two very different experiences with two very different children. Every one of us has our own experience and it would be great if people would be more considerate. I think we can all agree that the most important thing is that the baby be fed the best nourishment you have to offer.
Even worse, there is no end with breastfeeding – there are countless debates!
As for Gisele, she has just enough information to be annoying.
I think I love you…! LOL! I have an extremely similar experience with my twins (both sets…!), and also experienced the same guilt/shame/ridicule/psychosis I am sure you felt too. (http://tamitwinfactory.blogspot.com/2010/08/battling-breastfeeding.html)
I found your link thru Mama Kat and I'm gonna follow you! You had me at your blog name and the fabulous picture.
If you live near L.A., let's have a martini sometime!
@Natalie, I totally agree. You're a complete twitterholic. Ahem. Anyway, I also agree with the points you were making. I can't stand that celebrities have clout with the public and choose to use it to spout uneducated gunk, which the public then sops up like a sponge because it came from, well, a celebrity! It's beyond ridiculous.
@10for20, you make a fabulous point. We should stop “shoulding” all over one another. If I had been able to have a good breastfeeding experience with my twins, I would have loved to do it. Fresh, warm milk, available on demand, always with you…it would have been great. I'm glad you had a good experience to balance out the bad.
@Tami, Oh.My.Gawd. How do you have a blog and time to read anyone else's with TWO sets of twins? Can't wait to read your site. Sadly, I'm on the east coast, so it'll have to be a virtual martini. *clinks glass*
AMEN! After agony, pain, wires strapped to my nipples with bottles behind my back so “they baby wouldn't now it wasn't real” Gisele can go ……. well, nothing appropriate…
Stupid tax.
In big, red, slap her on the friggin' head application stupid tax.
People are bloody, monstrously, outrageously stupid.
And then they're stupid.
Amen sista friend!!! You go girl. Seriously, I agree with everything you wrote!!
I had a minute to gloss over the Atlantic Monthly article and found it very interesting. Surprised that the true medical literature didn't fully support what we read in our parenting magazines every month!
I can totally relate to what you wrote about pumping. I forced myself to hang in there until the due dates of both sets of twins (both sets were premature) but I felt I owed it to them to pump until their actual due dates. I hated every minute of it and I wasn't even making enough BM anyway so I had to supplement. I remember breaking down in the pedi's office one day when he asked me about it and I was just so freakin tired and I felt I needed professional persmission to discontinue doing it…a confirmation that my kids would be fine, that they wouldn't forever have low IQ's or be severely overweight as adults because I couldn't supply enough breastmilk.
Oh and the PPD…yikes…I couldn't agree more. We put such pressure on ourselves and when we can't even think without our heads being constantly clouded with fuzz from lack of sleep, general exhaustion and our hormones plummeting all at the same time…it's no wonder some women jump from high-rise apartments to end the pain Sorry to be so frank but the pressure is just too much sometimes.
You really should add a “Tweet this” button at the top of your posts!!! This post needs to be read by all mothers, especially new ones who may be struggling with this same issue!
I just tweeted it. Hope others come to read!!!
@Helene, I have a tweet button, but it's at the bottom of the post. Maybe I should move it?
Are you on blogger or WP?
I just came across your blog recently and was snooping around a little reading some of your older posts. I love this. I don't love the subject, but I couldn't agree w/ your opinion and presentation more. Thank you for bringing this to everyone's attention.