I nearly died last night while exercising in my living room.
I was using Time Warner Cable’s Exercise TV on Demand (FREE!), and thought it would be fun to do the “sexy chair workout.” My husband was out playing basketball with the guys, and I thought it would be a good time to get my own workout in and perhaps have the added bonus of a special routine to show him when he got home.
An aside: I am clumsy and ridiculously accident-prone. Sunbeams trip me up, and I’m no match for a cracked sidewalk. In one six month period of time I fell up the stairs and sprained my wrist two separate times. Somewhere, a group of Japanese tourists is still laughing at their fabulous snapshots of me falling down the stairs of the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam. I nearly amputated my finger because it got stuck in the hinge side of a fire door in England. It’s not unheard of for me to fall out of chairs or fall down while walking. My body is usually covered in bruises because I’m constantly slamming into walls, tables, and any other furniture brave enough to stand in my path. My father called me Grace, and would bust out into “Oooh ooh oooh Miss Grace …” each time he saw me drop something or trip.
Despite these facts, there are days when my denial is particularly strong, and on those days I labor under the misconception that I can do things just as well as other people. Hence, my choice of the sexy chair workout.
The sexy chair workout requires a chair, so I pulled one of the kitchen chairs in front of our flatscreen and commenced to swivel my hips and plié along with the blonde young chickadee hosting this show. The chair might as well have been a pole. Clearly, “fitness trainer” was not the only recent job description on her resume.
Chickadee was bouncy and energetic, and while the music was bland, it was fun to be dancing with a chair. Until she got to the “let your hair fly, girls!” portion of the program.
When did it become verboten to pull your hair back to exercise? All the people I see doing anything exercise-like on television (dancing, cheerleading, actually exercising, etc.) have long hair flying at all times. My guess is that some male TV exec deemed that there should be hairography (thank you, “Glee,” for the term), and so now all scrunchies are relegated to the depths of the gym bag.
Where were we? Oh, yes, how I almost killed myself doing the sexy chair dance.
Chickadee moved on from hip shaking, pliés, and chair circling, to the choreographed portion of the program done whilst sitting in the chair. On the very edge of the chair. There was a lot of flinging one’s legs open, then flinging one’s head down and back up and opening and shutting of the legs, and maybe some shoulder rolls, but I’m not sure because I was having a devil of a time trying to watch Chickadee’s instruction through all my hair. (Her hair, btw, stayed miraculously off her face the entire time).
After the shoulder rolls, she instructed us to come to a seated “V.” This was basically Pilates on a chair. The position had me sitting sideways, one hand along the back of the chair, knees up in the air. Then Chickadee instructed us to commence to kicking our legs, while still bent in a “V.” Just try to picture this. The only body parts in contact with the chair are your butt and your right hand on the chair back. Fun, yes. Stable, no.
“Ok, let’s put this together, sexy ladies! I wanna see some hair moving!” Chickadee chirped. I was really getting into this, thinking that maybe hubby would enjoy it when he got home, and then we got to the kicking part, and we were doing it at tempo, and suddenly I felt slightly off kilter … and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I fell, ass over teakettle, not even off my chair, but with my chair. The chair and I toppled right over backwards. My head landed about two inches from the marble hearth in front of the fireplace. And then I busted a gut laughing, as Chickadee kicked merrily away on the TV, chirping, “Remember, this is a hard move, so be careful with your balance. If you’re a beginner, you may want to take it down a notch.”
Thanks.
*Image credit to rocket ship on flickr.
Man, falling backwards is a terrible feeling! Though I sympathize completely, as I'm dreadfully clumsy and probably would have done the same thing! And I agree about the hair – it's impossible to exercise with it getting in your eyes and all sticky on your back.
Sounds like fun. But I think if I were to try it I would have a drink first!
OMG!!! I am laughing out loud!! Nice that she waited till the end to tell you to take things down a notch. I tried an advanced move at hot yoga last weekend and almost threw my back out. I think sometimes I let this whole Mom Sexy thing go to my head a bit!
I thought you were going to say that you crashed into you flat screen, chair and all! Oh, you make me giggle!
And how DO those “fitness instructors” manage to keep their hair out of their face and now drop a ounce of sweat? I'm soaking wet after I finish running and my hair is PLASTERED to my face!
Too funny! I saw that on our on-demand and skipped over it. LOL
I gotta check it out On Demand! Hilarious! Maybe chickadee should've warned beginners first!!
Glad to know you're still in one piece 😉 This sounds exactly like what would happen if I tried to do it…
Love it! That's hilarious (and a really good idea, once I get in shape, first).
Love your blog – now a follower and on Twitter too!
I would have broken something–arm, leg, neck, every bone in my body…. “Grace” is not something I have, and certainly not with hair flying while trying to balance on a chair. You've got a lot of courage to give it a try…and more to post about it. Glad you did…and I'm glad you're okay after that experience.
@ Megan, no kidding! Falling backwards is terrifying. Our son broke one of our kitchen chairs to smithereens the week before when he pushed back from the table and flipped it over, so all I could think was, “don't let the chair break!”
@ Kristy, if I ever try that again it WILL be after a glass of wine.
@ Mommyologist, glad you didn't get hurt at hot yoga. Be careful at Zumba tonight!
@ Katie, I didn't even think about the fact that I could have crashed into the TV! Yikes! Would have been very bad for my marriage. And my head. As for how those instructors keep their hair flying, if you ever find out their secret, please do an expose. I just don't get it. I'm blaming this accident on the hair.
@ Shell and @ Natalie, you should try it! It really was fun until I fell over. Let me know if you do.
@ Vic, thanks! Go ahead and try the chair dance if you have On Demand. Trust me, you don't need to be in shape to do it. Thanks for the follow!
@ Family Manager, thanks for visiting! So glad I didn't break anything. My ego is a bit bruised, though.
Hi Angie,
My name is Allison and I am the marketing manager at ExerciseTV.
We LOVE your blog post about ExerciseTV and would like to do a giveaway with you and your readers.
Shoot me an email at: allisonw@exerciseTV.tv if you're interested.
ps. Love your sass!
oh how funny. I give you an A for effort for sure! Given your history, I'd say giving it a shot was a brave move.
OMG – The sexy chair dance – hilarious! Glad you are ok.
funny! i have the grace of a three-legged buffalo also, but since i'm lazy i wouldn't have attempted chair dance. glad you didn't break your face!
Another great reason for me to not exercise. Although, I must say I've never heard the term tripping over sunbeams. This is a problem for me as well. My husband says I trip over pieces of paper but I think it's more complex than that. Must be the sunlight that's getting me.
@ KLZ, it's definitely the sunlight. Shadows can also be a problem.
@ brit, I'm gonna have to remember the three-legged buffalo analogy. That's a good one!
@ Theta Mom & @ Saucy, glad you laughed. I sure as hell did!
maybe the upside is no one saw all this happen? you could have kept on like you never attempted chair dancing, nor falling on your ass.
Oh my gosh!! Thank god you didn't give yourself a concussion! My sister did something very similar with Carmen Electra's Stripper-size DVDs…during the sexy chair routine…She was using a stool instead of a chair and fell backwards, hit her head on her dresser and broke a lamp. I nearly died laughing when she told me.
OMG, funniest post about exercise ever!!! You're a brave woman to even try it though and even braver for thinking it would be a good idea to do in front of your husband once you got the moves down.